Vote for me! (until Sunday at midnight!)

Hola lovers,
Just wanted to let everyone know that we will be posting every day as per usual, but, in the words of one Mr. Bruce Springsteen, we take care of our own around here and will be leaving this post on top to encourage as much voting as possible for the incredibly talented Miz Bre Duffy.  (Also check out her webpage here at breanneduffy.com.)
"Rockets" is being displayed in Chicago, and the winner of a round of voting this week will have their artwork used as inspiration for a play.  You can read Bre's message below. 
Besos,
Katie

Good Afternoon, blog readers. I'm abusing my blogging privileges today for selfish reasons. Please vote for my artwork here: http://livewirechicago.wordpress.com/vf4-gallery/

This is the artwork:



Thanks!

Me

A Layman's Guide to Office E-Mail

For those entering an office environment for the first time, I offer a brief introduction to professional e-mail communications.

The Care and Feeding of Your Ellipses

All this grammar nonsense can be a great hullaballoo of rules and procedures. Luckily for you there is a short cut that grammarians don't want the public to know about. The secret is thus:

If you are ever in a situation where you don't know how to punctuate a sentence you can use the special "catch all" punctuation: the ellipsis.

While many people have invested a great deal of energy perpetuating the myth that the ellipsis is intended to designate omitted words, the truth is that the ellipsis can also replace omitted punctuation!   This versatile little guy can represent anything writer wants.

Take this sentence:

"I have a party on Saturday, I'm bringing the cake!"

This can easily be rewritten without changing the meaning as:

"I have a party on Saturday… I'm bringing the cake…"

Exactly the same.

An Open Letter to My Officemate: I don't like you.

Dear Officemate,

I don't like you.

For a while I thought I just didn't know you.  There you sat, sometimes chatty but mostly quiet. We said good morning to each other and made bland remarks about the office temperature (usually too cold).

But you've worn out my last nerve, officemate.

I hate your stupid polite telephone laugh, exactly three syllables long each time.  Do laughs even have syllables?  The fact that I'm questioning this makes me hate you all the more.

I see you checking my computer screen and judging whether or not it is directly work-related.  And don't think I don't see you checking your Netflix queue.  Your double-screen placement isn't nearly as good as mine.

Officemate, you think you're so superior.  You with your organized  box of work shoes under your desk and your collection of extra umbrellas in case any of the higher-ups need one during a rainy day.  Kiss ass.

And dammit, I can hear you smugly eating your salad at me.  I don't care about your nutritionally-savvy lunch choices, nor does it impress me that I have never seen you buy a lunch.  Ooooh look at you with your organized mornings spent both ironing and getting your lunch together.  Ooooh look at you, getting to work "on time" and then "staying late."  I know your game, officemate, and I'm still leaving at 5. 

Oh, and how about that time I was sick, and you were the only one-- the only one!!-- in the office who didn't ask how I was feeling when I returned.  Like you didn't even know I was gone!  I'll remember that slight the next time you're out sick, officemate, and you'll see how YOU like it.

Not that you're ever out sick. 

I want the book back I lent you.

Most sincerely,
Your Disgruntled Officemate

An Open Letter from the DC DMV to All New DC Drivers

Dear New DC Driver,

Welcome to DC!  We invite you to explore our neighborhoods, our monuments, our rich diversity, and our mediocre lunch options.  Then, at the end of your day-- or at the beginning!!-- we encourage you to forget everything you have ever known about driving.

Remember, in DC, a turn signal functions as a right-of-way.  Turn it on and then blindly swing into your lane of choice!  After all, you have the right of way!  The only exception to this rule is if someone in that lane actually leaves room for you to go.  In that case, continue slowly driving next to that car with your blinker on, not acknowledging the space they have provided.

And speaking of driving slowly next to someone!  You were probably taught in some "state" that the left lane is for passing.  Not in DC or the surrounding area, it isn't!  No, the two lanes are just two random lanes, and you should choose to drive in whichever lane at whatever speed you choose.  You'll know you're doing it right when you can go at the exact same pace at the person next to you!  You ARE the best driver, and therefore should be able to dictate the speed of every other person on the road.

Tbumbs up, Grover!