Friday, October 7, 2011

On the street where you live, girls talk about their social lives...

As Katie has kindly yielded me, Mary, her blog for the day (Famous last words indeed!), I should probably start with a little background:

Since the age of 16, I have absolutely, unwaveringly been (to coin Katie’s terminology) a Serial Monogamist. From 1999-2009, I have had 7 consecutive boyfriends. When my last, most serious relationship ended, I decided to try this thing that people call, “dating.” As I’ve never been single for more than a few months at a time, I decided, this was the perfect time to learn the dating thing, and take some time for myself. I have quickly discovered that while it is a fascinating process, this “dating” thing is a whole world of crazy. There are a lot of single people out there, and most of them are apparently single for a reason.

One of my more memorable evenings was spent with a fellow who I like to refer to as my, "Is This a Date?" Guy. (Just as an FYI, we went on FOUR, very memorable evenings all of which I felt like I was partaking in an audience-interactive show called, "IS THIS A DATE?") I have  decided to let you play along...

I had liked this guy for a while, and right as I decided to venture into this “dating” thing, he got back in touch and we started gchatting a lot. “We should get together sometime,” I proffered one evening.. “Oh definitely,” was the response. The next day, I awoke to find 3 different emails from him, each one suggesting times and different venues. Being fairly new to this “dating” thing, I decided to not to assume anything. We were meeting at a local place, so I donned a cute, but not overly flashy outfit. Throughout the day, he texted me with a few updates, first pushing back the meet up time (with apologies), then cancelling his time change and asking if we were back on for the original. Survey says….? Date.

 When I arrived, he was waiting… fresh haircut, nice outfit, and a huge grin. He had requested a table in one of the backrooms where it was a little quieter to sit down. He gave me a hug (Yes, ladies, there was a hair sniff), and told me that I looked great.

I feel pretty!

Putting his arm around me, he walked me to our table, pulled out my chair and smiled again as he sat down.The evening could not have gone more smoothly. He was attentive and charming... After we’d been served, “I.T.A.D.” Guy smiles at me and begins a conversation. We talked about our jobs, our friends…life. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say… and asked me thoughtful questions. We talked about our families and our childhoods.

No familial demons here!

This was really seeming like the perfect date… He even made it a point to emphasize that he was currently single. Perfect date, perfect guy, until, right near the end of our meal, one of his female friends shows up out of the blue. With a, "Sorry I'm late..." she pecks him on the cheek. He introduces us and she pulls up a chair sits down and orders a drink, as if this isn't awkward and this was the plan all along. (It clearly was for them, but no one remembered to send me the memo).

I'm sorry, what just happened??

Female friend stays for half an hour, partaking in the conversation and being really nice. If I wasn’t so confused, I probably would have liked her a lot. So, leaving some cash on the table, and a with a few niceties, she leaves. ITAD Guy continues on with our "date" as if nothing was amiss. I, bewildered, sit expectantly. What curveball's next in this little hidden camera dating game?

Didn't your momma ever explain to you that no, girls DO NOT like being filmed without their permission?

As he launched directly back into date-convo... it was as if the girl had never crashed our "date." I just kind of nodded and smiled. Turned the conversation to the food and current events.When the bill arrived, he insisted on paying, and even gave me a “what are you thinking crazy lady?” look when I suggest that we split the bill. He comes over and helps me up, then offers me his arm to lead me out of the restaurant.

Is this a date? Albeit a weird one? Survey says… Yes?

As I had driven into the city and he had metro-ed, I offered him a ride home. In the car, he told me what a great time he had and how he was so glad we had finally gotten together. When we pull up to his place, he turned to me, takes me by the hand and looks deeply into my eyes. “I had so much fun tonight. Really. Can we please do this again soon” he asked. I, mesmerized by his pretty hazel eyes like one caught in a cobra’s stare, nodded back.

Trust in me.....

In a slow motion, romantic comedy movie moment, he continued to look deeply into my eyes and I gazed back at him. The weird interludes of the evening were forgiven and forgotten as he gently leaned in… squeezed my arm… I looked him steadily in the eye, and I’m pretty sure background music started to softly play… he brushed a hair by my face… smiled…


…and turned and hopped out of the car. Leaning back in, he grinned and reiterated what a great night he’d had and to please text me when I got home so he’d know I got back safely.

When I arrived home, confused, and kind of irritated… and he had texted me. “You’re so pretty and amazing. Thanks for such an incredible evening.” And confused and irritated went to giddy and delighted. Sigh.

Sometimes, I'm a moron.

We went through FOUR more “Is This a Date? I’m not sure…” episodes, before I decided my new mantra: “Don't go on dates if you can't tell if they're dates.” Don’t get me wrong. ITAD guy, is smart, funny, and really really cute. But “Is this a date?”-ing him is both delightful and farcically tragic. Like a hot air balloon that turns into a comical blimp :P

Welcome to my life.


  1. Katie just informed me that she does not appreciate you slandering her and/or stealing her thunder. Thank you for your time.

  2. Some guys are afraid of being too forward. He may have been wondering if you thought it wasn't a date and didn't want it to be awkward, so he asked a friend to come. Not that it's better that way, but a possible explanation. Also, his not kissing you could be the same thing. The last girl I dated, I didn't kiss her until the end of our 4th date because I didn't want to force the issue and that was the first time I got a clear signal. From your description, it sounds like you gave all the right signs. Maybe he's just bad at reading people?

    Two things you could try: 1) if it's still not clear and it hasn't been said, use the word "date" next time you're together and gauge his reaction ("I was on the phone with my mom but I told her I had to go because I have a date"); 2) just blatantly ask him what he thinks of you and where you stand. Worst thing that happens? You find out he's not into you on a romantic level and you can move on.

  3. Dear Kazekiel,

    How dare you? Katie is the epitome of a LADY, and would never lead someone on. On OUR dinner dates, she is always clear to use the word "Date" when appropos. Nary a mixed signal there...