Tuesday, September 13, 2011

You hear the cops finally busted Madame Marie for tellin' fortunes better than they do?

Cat and I went to the Asbury Park Oyster Festival this past Saturday.

Not me.

They were charging $3 at the door, and we lied and said we were just walking through, because Cat's cheap and I never saw a requirement I didn't want to get out of.

Whether or not you get this joke is a good test of how much of an elitist you are.

We wandered the festival, stopping for a bit of cheesecake and of course some oysters.  There were also booths selling clothing, art, furniture and books.  We stopped at the booth selling children's books, where I bought some for Maya and Ken's daughter Stella, who is turning one on September 25th.

Now, Maya being....Maya, and Ken being the oldest of four boys and a product of not only an all-boys Catholic high school but then West Point, it's not suprising that they dress their daughter in pink and tulle.  That being said, as her parents' straight, white, married friend, I've made it my responsibility to make sure all of her childhood influences are not so gender- and heteronormative.  Obviously.  So I did not pick the pretty, pretty princess books.

Whether or not you  laughed at this joke is a good test of how dorky you are, Maggie.

Watch the mail, Maya.

The rest of the night was a blur of whiskey, Canadians, and policemen, one of whom told me I had a "potty mouth."  I was not speaking to him at the time.  Cat managed to get drunk enough that she headed due west to get to the beach, and I'm pretty sure we horrified the people next to us with our discussion of Louis C.K.

The comic's Brad Pitt.

Later that night, I was forced to defend Brady Quinn's honor to the ponytailed gay bartender.

There's nothing about this picture that isn't pure win.

Now, listen, this is going to seem unrelated, but I tell you this story because it's true, it's relevant and it's about me.

David and I attended Pre-Cana before we were married.  For any of you not familiar with Pre-Cana, it is mandatory pre-marriage counseling by the Catholic Church, which you attend for a few sessions with other couples and discuss everything from financial management to your own parents' marriage.

On the final day of Pre-Cana, you are given the opportunity to go to confession.  Before I go any further, you should know that per Catholic doctrine, you are not supposed to receive communion if you have committed a mortal sin.  You should also know that for the past few years, I thought the rule was that if you had committed any type of sin at all, you were not supposed to receive until you had been absolved through confession.

I had been planning to confess that I had received communion despite that rule, but then before I had the chance, the priest, in a talk he gave before we all began, cleared it up for me.

So then it was my turn.  And I managed to ask the Most Catholic Question of All Time.

"Well, I thought you weren't supposed to receive under those circumstances, and I did anyway.  So even though it wasn't a sin, since I thought it was a sin and I chose to do it, is it then a sin?"

David said when he heard the priest laughing he didn't even have to turn around to know it was at me.

My point is, I carry a pretty severe case of Catholic guilt.  I bring this up because as we were breezing by that $3 admission fee, I noticed a sign saying that it would profit the Boys and Girls Club of Monmouth County.  I've felt guilty about it ever since, so I donated this morning.  Feel free to donate as well, if you have the time or inclination. 

If you also have the time or inclination, feel free to check out Cat's blog.  She's pretty.


  1. It's not cheap! I just thought my 3 dollars could be better spent that evening than to pay for a paper wristband granting me the ability to walk down a street and have access to other things to buy for 30 minutes! Don't get me wrong, I AM cheap, this was just not an example of that. This way, my 3 dollars entirely went to stimulate the struggling Asbury economy, thus keeping people employed and off the streets! And also I didn't see the Boys and Girls' club sign, so now I feel a bit guilty too...
    ps thanks, you're pretty too... and not at all threatening to goldfish at bars.

  2. I laughed my ass off at the first Brown seal - I didn't realize the best was yet to come! (In this case, a reference to MOI).

    Now, how to transition my job performance to an S/NC rating scale... :)