Monday, September 12, 2011

You're gonna need a bigger boat.

I have an outstanding speeding ticket in the state of Maryland, which I am contesting in traffic court at the end of the month.  It's my first ever speeding ticket, and I'm not pleased about it.

Until that's resolved, it's obviously not the best time for me to get pulled over.  I was more careful than usual on both the drive up and back from Jersey this weekend.

But I got a little lazy when I hit Salem County, about 3/4 of the drive up from D.C.

Both labels are accurate.

I was doing about 78 in a 65 (I know, David, I know) and saw the cop car about 2 seconds before the last second.  I slammed the brakes and then anxiously kept watch behind me to see if the cop pulled out.

Didn't see anything for a few minutes, and then just as I breathed a sign of relief, I saw a flash of white as the car pulled out, about a half a mile behind me.  

I immediately pulled over into the right lane, and saw that he did likewise.


Thought:  All police cars should have a stereo system on their roof that broadcasts the Jaws theme on endless loop.

I watched him maneuver around other cars, making his way forward, closing the distance.

Just out for a morning drive, officer.
(On a side note, there is probably no driver more dangerous than the one with a cop behind her.  Seriously, a small child could leap into the road and I would have no clue, because my eyes are just oscillating between the rear view mirror and the speedometer.  Your child is now road kill.  Good job, officer.)

The cop was about a 1/4 mile behind me when I saw the lights go on.  So I panicked and then did what any other normal person would do: I swung the steering wheel immediately to my right, my sturdy Buick just barely making the turn into the exit. 

Like I said before, I was in Salem County.  There's a whoooole lot of farm land down there.

Yes, Cowtown exists and It. Is. Glorious.

I reach the bottom of the exit ramp and careen through the stop sign, making a left (right seemed more obvious) and then pulling into the dirt driveway of a farm.

I sat there with the lights off for a full five minutes, waiting for my heart rate to return to normal. 

I left when the cows made me more nervous than the cop.

Welcome to New Jersey.


  1. You ran from the cops... to a cow farm!?! Suddenly your need to befriend every cop in AP on saturday night is much clearer. You were just sending out feelers to see if there was an APB out for you!