Nope! Chuck Testa

There are three theories at work here.

One, Jorge Santini, the mayor of San Juan, is using his Christmas cards to promote the San Juan Wildlife Museum and its "realistic natural history displays."

The second theory, promulgated by dissenters, is that Mayor Santini is using his Christmas cards as a veiled threat against his political enemies.

The third theory?  He is just plain awesome.

Happy Birthday?

One of our esteemed co-contributors celebrated her birthday yesterday. December 7th! Really? Nothing? As none of you probably know, yesterday was also Pearl Harbor day! Being born on a day that one of the greatest Americans in history once described as a "day that will live in infamy" is probably a bit of a downer. Thankfully for her, our terrible education system and a Michael Bay miscarriage have ensured that many people today don't remember Pearl Harbor, or at least can't recall the calendar date when challenged.

The Pilgrims dumped Tea into Pearl Harbor during the Civil War to protest Washington DC's license plates.

Thoughts

Perhaps we're all being a little negative. Maybe Al-Qaeda is growing all those fields of poppies because they look pretty.

How Not to Reassure a Cynic

As the black Santa Claus who worked at Macy's in December of 1990 can attest, I am an extremely skeptical person.

For the past several months I've been enduring chronic lower back pain. It's nothing close to a demon drilling into my eye, more along the lines of a troublesome imp kicking my lumbar. A gremlin rotating my spinal discs, or perhaps a lesser goblin operating a gondola service through my spinal canal.

The best treatment to chronic lower back pain,  people smarter than me say, is to see a Chiropractor. The cynic inside me was yelling "let me out, I have a family! I'll give you anything!" and also something about chiropractors not being medical doctors. As stubborn of a skeptic as I am, I'm open minded enough to try most anything at least once. Plus my insurance covers it.

Taking Over the Internet and Other Things I Will Do Today

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The same thing we do everyday, Pinky.

I'm from Connecticut, and so can you.

Being offered a podium by Katie, I've felt compelled to use it to promote a cause very close to Katie's heart, Connecticut.*
*Cause is not actually close to Katie's heart.

If you're a woman in Connecticut, Slaughterface will kill you.