Monday, January 30, 2012

Signs my future is doomed.

Reasons that I'm convinced I am headed for senility, or Alzheimers, or Huntingtons, or some kind of mad cow disease:

1). Last week I flipped out because my glasses were missing. I had lost my brand new, $1,000 Chanel glasses! These were my first new glasses since college, because I tend to not wear glasses as I feel they make me look too Asian. (It's a thing. Leave me alone).  I looked for them and looked for them. Did I leave them in the bathroom? Are they on my dresser? Nightstand? Did they slip into a drawer? It's not like I wear them out in public, so they must be in the house someplace, right, RIGHT? Growing more and more anxious, I started to get really agitated...

...and then I realized: I WAS WEARING THEM. Not on top of my head where they could have been misconstrued as a headband... Oh no. ON MY FACE BECAUSE I WAS USING THEM TO SEE.

2. While lying in bed. Couldn't find my cell phone, and it dinged letting me know I had a text. I reached next to me, nope, not there. Not plugged in, not on the dresser, not anywhere in visible sight. Okay, but it had to be closeby, because I could hear it ping.

So, I then proceeded to take all the covers off of my king size bed. I lifted pillows. I went to my roommate and made him call it.  Oh, it was IN MY POCKET.

3. Couldn't find the dog. Now he's a little fellow, and he tends to nest in little dog made caves like under the bed, or behind the couch.

I called him. No response. I call him again. No response. I, using my alpha voice, tell him that I'm going to count to 3 and he better show up. Nothing. I tell my german shepherd to, "Go find Mickey. Where is he?" She stares at me blankly. I walk to the other room and look under the bed. Come back to the room. Where did I not look? In his little dog bed. Where he has been lying there, staring at me the WHOLE TIME, like "Why do you keep calling me? I'm freaking right here."


4). Today, I tried to use a qtip, and I had my earbuds in.

What is wrong with me sometimes??

My only explanation? Impending doom.

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