Friday, November 18, 2011

Potty Mouths, Drugs and other Vices

Potty mouths!!  Get it?!

In this week's news, people find interesting uses for abandoned homes, we talk about vices and a whole bunch of people ain't sorry.  Not at all.

Teaching Good Sex
The New York Times
“First base, second base, third base, home run,” Al Vernacchio ticked off the classic baseball terms for sex acts.
“Grand slam,” called out a boy (who’d later tell me with disarming matter-of-factness that “the one thing Mr. V. talked about that made me feel really good was that penis size doesn’t matter”).

Animal Mcmansion: Students Trade Dorm for Suburban Luxury
The New York Times
Heather Alarab, a junior at the University of California, Merced, and Jill Foster, a freshman, know that their sudden popularity has little to do with their sparkling personalities, intelligence or athletic prowess.  
 “Hey, what are you doing?” throngs of friends perpetually text. “Hot tub today?”
“I mean, I have it all!” said Patricia Dugan, a senior majoring in management, who was reading Dario Fo’s “Accidental Death of an Anarchist” in her light-filled living room while soaking a silk caftan in one of two master bathroom sinks.

And the NYT successfully trolls another undergraduate.

Massachusetts Mulls Letting Bars Offer Happy Hours
The New York Times
Michael DiZio, a resident of Arlington, offered a more graphic prediction in a letter to The Boston Globe, writing, “This will give badly needed employment to people in many sectors of our economy, including emergency room staffs, funeral home employees, grave diggers, and monument makers.”

In foreclosure-plagued Vegas, empty homes go to pot
LA Times
One January night, William Ballard, 21, called police. His brother Daniel, then 22, had repeatedly punched him during a scuffle over car keys, he said, according to court papers. When officers arrived and saw William's bloody forehead, they entered the house to find Daniel.
That's when they smelled the plants and found what police testified was a grow room with blinding lights, fans, a watering system and chemicals. In the master bedroom, they found scales and packing materials, as well as more than $2,600 in cash.
Police said the Ballards admitted to growing cannabis.  

On a side note, I used that same "gone to pot" pun in a joke press release on medicinal marijuana I wrote for a previous job once.  They not only took me seriously, but LOVED it.  

He bought van fully loaded-- with a half-mil of coke
Philadelphia Inquirer
"People make jokes: 'Oh, you should have sold it,' " Preston said of the cocaine. "But honestly, I've never been so scared in my life, even when I was mugged in New York."    

'Free beer' offer snares suspects
The Irish Times
More than a dozen suspected criminals have been arrested as part of an undercover sting operation after being duped into ringing the police to claim free beer.
Derbyshire Police said the suspects were detained after officers sent letters to a string of people who had evaded arrest for several months, urging them to claim a complimentary crate of beer from a marketing company. 

Women are more likely than men to suffer 'broke heart syndrome,' study finds
The Washington Post
Females are seven to nine times more likely to suffer “broken heart syndrome,” when sudden or prolonged stress like an emotional breakup or death causes overwhelming heart failure or heart attack-like symptoms, the first nationwide study of this finds. Usually patients recover with no lasting damage.

Pawtucket man leaps out window during home invasion
Providence Journal
When the two men with guns stormed into his apartment, Derrick P. Gomes ran out -- jumping out a bathroom window and leaving his girlfriend behind.
Breaking news: Newly single Pawtucket man Derrick P. Gomes still not sorry.

Reality TV's Instant Stars Populate a Magazine
The New York Times
Victoria Gotti, daughter of John Gotti and onetime star of her own reality series called “Growing Up Gotti,” will write a weekly column.
For aspiring reality stars, there are listings of reality show casting calls and tips on how to stand out in front of a judge.
The writing is big and blocky, and makes liberal use of exclamation points. “J. Lo’s Booty Scandal!” screams one headline on a prototype. “OMG! Seriously?” says another on an article about a contestant on “The Bachelorette.”

A Haircut Returns from the 1930s
The New York Times
CLEAN-CUT young men have been going to F.S.C. Barber in the West Village and asking for the same haircut: buzzed on the sides, longer on top and slicked back with a dab of pomade. You could call it a modified McSqueeb, a J. Edgar Hoover or maybe a Jimmy Darmody, after the character in “Boardwalk Empire.”
But a lot of them just ask for a Hitler Youth, said Sam Buffa, a founding partner of the barbershop.

It's World Toliet Day; Got $6,400 for a smart commode?
The Washington Post
Saturday is the 10th annual World Toilet Day, as decreed by the World Toilet Organization in Singapore.

...Take Kohler's top of the line Numi, for example, which retails for $6,400. This toilet comes with so many features that it has its own touch screen remote control to operate them all.
Enjoy the integrated retractable air dyer. Is the air around the commode not fresh enough? Turn on the charcoal filtered air deodorizer. The toilet also offers heated seats, a foot warmer, motion-activated lid and seat, and built-in speakers.
And...when the lights go out, its LED lights turn on, so it also functions as a night light.

NDP MPstands by F-bomb in face of Tory clampdown on debate
The Globe and Mail
One fellow Twitter user tried calling him out for failing to capitalize the word “God,” dubbing him a “foul mouth socialist” in the process.
“[Expletive] you,” was Mr. Martin's blunt reply.
Interim NDP Leader Nycole Turmel appeared to defend Mr. Martin's actions Thursday.
“His language was not appropriate and could have been offensive to some,” she said in a written statement. “That said, the Conservatives' actions are not appropriate in a democracy and offensive to all Canadians.”
One fellow Twitter user derided Mr. Martin's comments as “disrespectful and unprofessional,” while another described it as a “serious lack of judgment and professionalism.”
Mr. Martin's reply to that Twitter user? “Eat my shorts.”

I  believe he means, "Mangez mes pantalons."

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