In which I have been sick all week and too lazy to come up with something good, but you should read most of these. Or look at the pictures.

Yo, read these.

Jobs, Home Ownership and Other Crazy Things People Do

I manage to kiss up to David AND make fun of Katy Perry all while reporting on the news in this week's edition of Stuff You Didn't Read When it Came Out and Still Won't Read Now.  

Did you read?

Matt:  so how did you discover the article about Dave and Beth?

me:  actually i was looking for articles for the blog and saw the caption "i just remember being really, really happy"

and clicked on it

and hence the discovery

Matt:  because evidently you found it before they even knew it was up

me:  hahahahaha

wow

well i read a lot of news

Matt:  didn't know you were such a Wash. Post fan

i like trashy news like NY Post

me:  hahahah i mean, it's my job

so i read the nyt, wsj, wp

and then for fun, the la times

and of course CQ and all the hill rags

Matt:  http://ww​w.youtube​.com/watc​h?v=P7VgN​QbZdaw   

Matt:  take that, nerd!

This week: a whole bunch of reasons not to be friends with people

In this week's rendition of all stuff-that-made-me-giggle, there are a whole lot of people in the news who nobody wants to play with.  We've got a group of moms who can't count, another mother who prefers her sons make their own chicken stock when they cook her dinner, an Alabama senator who wants to keep teacher's salaries low "for the kids" and a man who actually graphs out his friendships.  After the jump.

The WSJ Thinks Your Wife Should Shut Up and Make You a Sandwich

Ken MacDougal feels victimized.  His wife, after she made him a sandwich, stuck a note in his lunch reminding him to stop by Home Depot after lunch.

Even years later, he remains traumatized and "peeved" about the situation: "I didn't need a reminder in the middle of my sandwich," he says.

Nagging, The Wall Street Journal earnestly reports, is even more common than adultery, and yet can be even more toxic to a relationship.  I'd like to helpfully remind you that adultery is traditionally considered a male attribute (although recent studies have shown that women are starting to cheat at almost the same rate as their male counterparts).  According to Howard Markman, a professor of psychology, nagging can be a prime contributer to divorce when couples start to argue about the nagging itself.  And of course, in that type of toxic relationship, who can blame a man for straying?

Women are much more likely to nag because they are "conditioned to feel more responsible for managing home and family life" and are "more sensitive."  Still, the WSJ rushes to assure us, men also hold a share of the blame.

Sure, a husband might tune his wife out because he is annoyed; nagging can make him feel like a little boy being scolded by his mother. But many times he doesn't respond because he doesn't know the answer yet, or he knows the answer will disappoint her.

In other words, his share of the blame is really still her fault, because women are too sensitive, and he is only trying to spare her feelings while he rationally assesses the situation.  It's also his mother's fault, who has been nagging him since childhood.

Back to Ken MacDougal.  His wife, sensitive to his tense "thousand-year stare," started signing her notes with extra hearts and smiley faces, trying to soften her words so as not to seem too threatening.  She even left out her own signature from the notes, instead signing them from "your faithful bathtub drain," or whatever appliance was low enough for him to step all over.

WSJ  leaves us with some tips to save our marriages.  Sometimes it is best to avoid the conflict altogether.  In the most dire of circumstances, perhaps hiring a handyman would be best.  Don't try and do it yourself, ladies!  That's still a man's job, even if your man doesn't feel like doing whatever chore is distracting him from the big game.  No matter what, be sure to avoid direct conflict.

"As long as I am not putting pressure on him, he seems to respond better," Ms. Pfeiffer says. Mr. Mac Dougall agrees. "The notes distract me from the face-to-face interaction," he says. "There's no annoying tone of voice or body posture. It's all out of the equation."

Finally, WSJ suggests adjusting expectations, asking wives, "Does that lightbulb need to be changed immediately?" Maybe not ladies, but your attitudes certainly do.

The Famous Last Word on the Infamous Printed Word

Maureen Dowd may be the Queen Bee but we'd all rather be friends with Gail Collins.

Every week I compile a group of articles featuring what I would consider to be the week's most ridiculous news from [some of] the world's most upstanding news sources.  I scour The New York Times, LA Times, BBC, The Boston Globe, Providence Journal and The Irish Times, amongst others, looking for great writing, crucial snark and the latest in I-can't-believe-this-is-news updates.

The best articles are always those in the Style section (or whatever the particular newspaper calls it) in which the ever hopeful reporter tries to break the newest trend with all the gravity of his journalistic integrity.  The second best is when they report on the young to the bewildered old (Wall Street Journal, I'm looking at you.)  This experience has given me, I think, unique insight into the soul of these periodicals.   Each has its own place in the media's own little cafeteria hierarchy.

For instance, The New York Times is clearly the coolest, smartest kid in the room.  Yes, I know, most of you groaned out there.  But admit it, you groaned because it's true.  NYT has the best writers, hands down, and cover the widest array of issues.  For the five of you who actually read our weekly Friday summary of the news, you'll have noticed that The Grey Lady tends to dominate the conversation.  Their Style section is fantastic.  And no, I don't mean because it's super relevant, I mean because they have good writers writing about completely ridiculous things.  They try really hard to be up with the trends, which often leads to breaking news like "Teenagers share passwords!" or "Being pretty counts for more with teen girls than being smart!" 

That being said, while NYT has the best writers and the best features, they're not the best in every issue area.  When it comes to political news, The Washington Post has that covered.  They tend to have less of a slant than NYT, and they cover a greater spectrum of the political arena.  The Washington Post is never going to be the coolest kid because it tries so hard.  They want  you to like them, they want you to think they're funny and trendy, and they really do everything right.  They even give out a free version of the paper to commuters!  Spreading information to the masses! Journalistic integrity at its finest!

Growing Pains, Pajamas and Other Things From When We Were Young

After a bit of a hiatus, our weekly feature of the most crucial news of the week (and then some), along with some other features you shouldn't miss.  In this week, we remember all the things we loved as teenagers but aren't fit for public consumption: pajamas, Nigerian lovers and boy bands.

The Holidays Make the Freaks Come Out

I'm sure these stories will get worse, but for now, it looks like the holidays make the freaks come out.  In this week's pile of the not-even-most-ridiculous, there are freaks and elves, but  no fairies.  We hate fairies.

Potty Mouths, Drugs and other Vices

Potty mouths!!  Get it?!

In this week's news, people find interesting uses for abandoned homes, we talk about vices and a whole bunch of people ain't sorry.  Not at all.

Naive wives, wild(e) boys and a cleaning lady goes "oops"

Everyone's confused about who they really are in this week's news.

Sex, God and Academia

In this week's news, academia embraces Snooki and Jay-Z, although no word on whether it was mutual.

Mansions, Mormons and Magic, oh my

In which I report on the funner side of the news.  Yep, funner.

An Amish Hair-Cutting Gang, the End of the World and Other News

 In which I read the news and tell you what made me giggle.

A Two-faced Cat, Celebrity Cannibalism and Other News

A weekly roundup of all the news you missed because it didn't really matter.

In Which I Read the News and Tell You the Good Parts

 A weekly roundup of all the news that was somehow fit to print.